Let me be clear: I’m no stranger to cooking fails.
There have been cookies that completely fell apart (but still tasted great crumbled up on top of some coconut milk ice-cream), banana bread that didn’t quite rise and definitely wasn’t sweet enough (but still tasted ok with some almond butter spread on top) and of course, there was the time I was supposed to make a pretty ombre Hanukah cake turned anything else than pretty. (But I was able to salvage them into delicious and festive cake pops.)
Usually, I’m able to salvage the dish and turn in to something edible. But this one? This one was a throw-it-in-the-trash-how-do-I-get-this-taste-out-of-my-mouth-I-could-probably-use-this-to-torture-someone-to-get-information-I-need kind of bad.
I’m talking about Cauliflower Rolls.
To most of you in the non-paleo world, the name in and of itself probably has you thinking “um, DUH” because unlike chocolate and peanut butter (mmm chocolate and peanut butter!) let’s face it, cauliflower and rolls are just not two words that fit naturally together.
While everyone is on a January health kick, The internet is a buzz with these cauliflower rolls and tons of bloggers say they are in fact, delicious! No one is claiming they taste like a real roll/bagel but they are claiming that they serve as a great grain free vehicle for condiments, spreadables, breakfast sandwiches and so much more! And after trying recipes from most of these bloggers, I do trust that when they something is gooood, they are right!
Just about all of these bloggers put their own spin on a basic recipe. Lexi’s Clean Kitchen’s recipe uses salt and garlic powder with an everything topping. Dishing up the Dirt also uses garlic and salt but topped hers with Za’atar spices. used nutritional yeast and Real Food with Dana uses 2 tablespoons of nutritional yeast, 1/2 tsp salt and there cajun flavoring in hers. And this is just the tip of the cauliflower roll/bagel/bun iceberg. So I figured why not use what I had in the house and improvise.
I whipped these bad boys up with the same basic ingredients that most people followed: 3 cups riced cauliflower, 4 tablespoons almond flour (some recipes call for 2 tablespoons almond flour, 2 tablespoons coconut flour), 2 eggs.
For seasoning, I added 1 teaspoon of salt, 1 tablespoon of nutritional yeast and 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
and the topped it off with poppy seeds & sesame seeds!
They smelled great while baking and looked really good, too!
WRONG. SO. WRONG.
I don’t know if I used too much salt with the nutritional yeast? I can’t put my finger on it but these were just BAD. No, actually strike that- they were WORSE than bad. And I was quite sad about it! (Also it was SUCH a waste of two perfectly delicious Vital Farms Pasture Raised eggs!)
So I’m asking you- where did I go wrong? Have you made these? Have they worked for you? Or are they just bad and people are pretending that they are totally edible just because they slightly resemble a real carb? Please! Tell me!
I’m willing to try again! But for now, I think I will just stick to my cauliflower rice.